Really zen

Duality

 This quote: "Love is: "solving problems together which you wouldn't have when you were alone",  hangs on the wall in my neighbours' house. I had a good laugh about it. And whomever I tell it, everybody recognizes the humor of it. Especially people with a relationship. 

I think  the thought behind this quote is that you'd better be alone or live alone. Or that you have to try to change your partner in such a way that he/she is more like you.

Many people do think: It's not because of me that we're having problems.

Also me.  I often think about my partner: Why is she making so much trouble? If she would act in a different way, it all becomes much easier.

Dualistic thinking.  Me in opposite of somebody else.

That's why I practice zen. In order to dive into the depths of my thinking. In order to learn more about my thoughts about me versus 'other'. So that I can check the reality of those thoughts. And 

that I can finally discover that those thoughts doesn't say anything about reality, and only exist in my head. 

They really do only exist in my head. They  don't tell anything about reality. And everybody who is able to take a look inside, knows that.

And still, it is so tempting to believe in these thoughts. In your relationship, at work, everywhere. 

Last week I red an article in knack.be. A belgium news magazine. This article  handled about terrorism. A dutch specialist in international relations (Peter Knoppe) was interviewed. 

He warned the western world. He says: we impose our thinking about history to the rest of the world. And that is going to become a disaster. We don't have a clou about what is going on in non-western countries. The anger, the discontentedness, the anti- western feelings.

We still think that we have to democratize, and that our secular thinking have any relevance in a world where the majority of the people have strong anti-western feelings. 

This touched me. This man has a point, I think. We have the idea that 'they', the terrorists from IS, have oldfashioned ideas and behaviors. That they are barbarians. That they have medieval opinions. That they don't know what democracy is .

Our body of thought is better.

If they would be different we would't have to fight them.  If they could be more like us, we don't have to destroy them. 

Actually it is the same as this quote. We in the western world have the feeling that we wouldn't have those problems, when they (the IS) were not there. That there wouldn't be any problem if they were more like us. Or preferably, be the same.We only want to live with our 'own people'.

I don't account the violence of IS. Not at all. They use horrible, cruel violence. And they are very convinced about that their body of thinking is right and ours wrong. So they want to destroy us too.

Where is the solution for this? In my own relationship it is possble to relativize my thoughts about my partner. In order to search for connection. In order to experience that this opposition of me and other only exist in my head. 

But worldwide? How can we ever make a connection with terrorists? 

Maybe it is idealistic, but I stll believe in the fact that I am not different from them. That love is not about  solving problems together, but that real love is about experiencing the oneness with the other one. With everybody else. 

As long as we believe this thinking about me in opposite of other, and continue to believe that if the other one wouldn't be there, we also wouldn't have this problems, than we stay in a situation of war. 

A war that will become worse and worse. 

 

 

Imagine..

Don't ask daddy