woensdag 21 oktober 2015

Really...?

Unbelievable

Don't worry


We all know that our planet is in danger. But still governments don't do enough to reduce co2 dismission. Economic interest seem to be more importent than saving the earth. 
So what are we going to say to our children and grandchildren? What kind of earth do we forward to them? 

Space enough...


Every third tuesday in september our king or queen in Holland gives a talk. Normally he or she speaks about the currnent situation in the country. These days the refugees are a big issue in Holland. How can we give them all a good shelter. Hopefully our king will also contribute to this. 

dinsdag 20 oktober 2015

Happy

About a couple of weeks ago a famous writer, Joost Zwagerman, passed away. He committed suicide. 
When I red this the next morning in the newspaper, mspontaneously tears vpcame up in my eyes. 
I think because of the shock. And maybe also because I realised that Joost Zwagerman must have suffered sooo much that he decided to commit suicide.

I have to commit that I also belong too this big group of people that consider sometimes committing suicide. I know this feeling that it becomes too much for me. That I have the feeling that I can't handle life. Often I can't even describe it very clear. It's just a feeling. It's just an undertone in my existence. 

Everybody wants to be happy, isn't it? That is just a kind of ancient theme of mankind. If you are a refugee, an IS fighter or a depressed person. We actually all want to be happy, deep inside in all of us is this longing. To be happy. To be satisfied.
Some people do manage much better to be contented than others.



What intrigues me is what exactly dies. Or what exactly you want to be dead, if you commit suicide. Do you want to get rid of your body? Or do you want to get rid of your feelings and thoughts? 
Sometimes I ask myself this kind of questions. And it is difficult to answer them. Because this 'me' isn't a very clear shaped thing. Buddhists know that very well. 

You cannot grasp 'self'. Not like you can grab a glass of water. You can't get a grip on it. 
The me only can be described as a summory of caracteristics, connected to a body. And those caracteristics are also very changeable. 
This 'me' of me is a construction of thoughts, feelings, ideas, memories, successes and disappointments that I builded up during my whole life. 

When I feel asleep, then it is gone. 
As soon as I'm awake, the whole circus arises again. 

Zwagerman maybe wanted to end this circus. Because it wasn't a funny circus. 
Because he didn't manage to make it a funny circus. 
In my experience you are able as a human being to have influence on your own circus. To let your 'self' suffer a little bit less. 

But some people must do much more effort for this than others. 





zondag 18 oktober 2015

Imagine..

Imagine you are a refugee.

Imagine that Holland is flooded with water. Everything is overflowed. No house is saved. Millions of dutch people flee for the water. 
Me too. The only thing I could save is a plastic bag with some clothes. And my IPhone. My wife walks beside me. Behind me walks my sister, my nefhew. My neighbours. And lots of people who I don't know. I don't know where my oldest sister is. I don't know where my niece is, that turned 11 last month. I don't know if my mother is still alive. 

We hope we can get asylum in Africa. But we aren't sure. My passport drifts somewhere. Or is already lying at the ground of the Northsea.

I am dependant of the goodwill of strangers. I can't imagine that they wouldn't help us. Before me walks a family. Young parents. Two children. Those children must eat.  There must be somebody though, who would give us some food? 
And a bed. That we can have some rest. Because I don't feel my legs anymore. I'm broken. My body hurts everywhere.

I look at my phone. I see a picture of a holiday from last year. Its unbelievable that that is me. That there was ever a time that that was me. 
My cat has surely drowned. My house, my paintings, everything I loved is gone. I even don't feel sadness. 
I just hope that there will be people who will help us. Who will give us some food, maybe a bed.


Finally...